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Bullying- The Real Scare this October

As October comes around, many things come to mind…pumpkins, ghouls, goblins…and bullying. As some of you may know, in addition to being the resident month of Halloween, October is also National Bullying Prevention Month. In support and celebration of National Bullying Prevention Month we would like to share some helpful information, resources and tips for parents and children about bullying and cyberbullying.

What is bullying?

The US Department of Health and Human Services (USDHHS) defines bullying as unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. Bullying includes actions such as making threats, spreading rumors, attacking someone physically or verbally, and excluding someone from a group on purpose. In recent years, this definition has grown to include a disturbing set of behaviors known as cyberbullying.

The USDHHS defines cyberbullying as bullying that takes place using electronic technology. Electronic technology includes devices and equipment such as cell phones, computers, and tablets as well as communication tools including social media sites, text messages, chat, and websites. Examples of cyberbullying include mean text messages or emails, rumors sent by email or posted on social networking sites, and embarrassing pictures, videos, websites, or fake profiles. The Center for Disease Control estimates that in 2011, 16% of high school students experienced a form of cyberbullying – and indeed this is a growing problem.

Bullying and cyberbullying have been found to be strongly related to several negative effects in youth including but not limited to low self-esteem, feeling of worthlessness, sadness and depression, unwillingness to attend school or class and even poor physical health. Even more frightening and disturbing is the increasing number of so called bullycide. Bullycide has been coined as a term for growing number of children and adolescents who commit suicide in response to feelings of desperation and hopelessness triggered by bullying or cyberbullying. There were two reported instances of bullycide in the US in the last 5 weeks!

What can we do?

As fast as technology was grown, we as parents, educators and caretakers must race to protect our children from this growing threat. First and foremost, creating and instilling healthy conflict resolution skills and resilience in the face of bullying for your children is key. If your child is able to identify bullying behavior and label this as more about the bully then themselves, they may be in a better position to avoid the harmful effects of bullying.

Filters and monitoring programs can be installed on home computers, tablets and smart phones to not only protect our children from sexual predators and illicit content, but can also facilitate appropriate monitoring to ensure your child is not the victim of cyberbullying.

Thankfully, in the war against bullying, the law is on our side! Florida state law identifies bullying and cyberbullying as a crime punishable by law! Parents are encouraged to file a police report any and every time their child experiences bullying or cyberbullying. Please remember – nothing is ever truly anonymous on the internet, and once it is out there, it is there permanently (even if you delete it or take it down)

What is NOT bullying?

As we already covered, both bullying and cyberbullying is an aggressive behavior that is repeated and involves a power imbalance. While certainly hurtful, inappropriate and deserving of a parent or teacher’s attention, one time incidents of teasing and physical aggression does NOT constitute bullying.

Children need to be able to have and solve their differences, and this may mean at times discovering how to deal with frustrations and anger with each other in appropriate ways. Additionally, children need to develop the ability to tolerate and become resilient to the negative or insensitive messages they are likely to encounter in adulthood. Bullying need not be a part of this important and healthy development.

In conclusion – bullying and cyberbullying is a very real and frightening threat facing all of our children, but we are not defenseless. Careful monitoring and skill building can go a long way towards protecting our children inside and out from the harmful effects of bullying.
By Lisa Saponaro Personal June 22, 2023
Nurturing Healing and Reconnection at the Center for Psychological Growth and Wellness with Lisa Saponaro, Ph.D.
April 12, 2023
What is all the buzz about mindfulness? Many of us have heard about the importance of being mindful, but how many of us really know what it means? Before the 1970’s, mindfulness only existed in Eastern societies that practiced Buddhist meditation. It was not until an American professor, Jon Kabat-Zinn, introduced the idea to the West in 1979 that mindfulness began gaining traction as a healing modality. He defined mindfulness as “paying attention in a particular way, on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally.” Since the advent of mindfulness in the United States, there has been a wealth of empirical research that has come out in support of these interventions across age, ethnicity, and gender. Research has shown that mindfulness can effectively treat an array of psychological issues, including: Anxiety disorders Depressive disorders Obsessive compulsive disorders Panic disorder Chronic pain Substance use Personality disorders Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Contrary to how the name sounds, mindfulness can actually help us decrease the fullness we often feel in our minds and allow us to engage more intimately with the present moment. Through bringing more mindfulness to our moment-to-moment experiences, we feel more connected to our authentic selves and increase feelings of wholeness, appreciation and joy. By engaging with feelings of gratitude and awe our experiences of depression and anxiety can lose power. There are a variety of formal mindfulness practices that are often beneficial to start with but once developed, mindfulness is a skill that can be applied informally to every aspect of your life. Here are a few formal mindfulness practices you can engage in: Mindfulness Meditation: Practice sitting upright with your back straight, shoulders relaxed, feet planted firmly on the ground (or cross legged), heart open in a dignified but relaxed way for several minutes. Let yourself just be and experience the stillness within you. Each time a thought, emotion and/or sensations arises, acknowledge it with acceptance and compassion and then bring your attention back to your breath. Mindful Walking: Find a place to walk where you feel safe and relaxed. As you walk, bring your attention to the body. With each step you take, notice your feet making contact with the ground. Take notice of any sensations in your body. Watch your limbs naturally coordinate to help you maintain balance. Notice the rhythm of your breath as you walk and how it coincides with your body movements. Mindful Eating: Find a small piece of food, such as a raisin, and focus mindfully on the raisin to where you are experiencing the fullness of each bite. Take notice of the texture, taste, smell, sound and other sensations of the food. If a thought arises, acknowledge and accept it, and bring yourself back to the food item (can work with any food). Yoga: As you begin to stretch a specific region in the body, you may begin to feel the resistance and discomfort in that area of the body. Through mindfulness, we can begin to make space for these feelings and sensations by acknowledging them with acceptance, patience and compassion. By acknowledging the resistance and discomfort and then returning our attention back to the breath, we come to realize that the pain in the body is not us and is merely passing through us as visitors do in a guest house. Once formal mindfulness practices have been exercised and the muscle of mindfulness have begun to grow, then one can begin engaging in informal practices of mindfulness, such as: Washing Dishes: As you begin to wash the dishes, take notice of the sensations in your hands as you make contact with the warm water, soap, and dishes. Slow the rate of washing down to where you can be fully present with each item that is being washed. Observing Nature: As you go out into nature, take notice of all that is around you. Slow down and let yourself gaze on the different shapes and colors of the trees, plants, animals, and landscape. Listen to the sounds of the birds chirp and the rustling of the leaves as you walk by. Showering: As you step into the shower, feel the sensations in your body as the warm water makes contact with your skin. Listen to the sounds of the warm water spraying all around you. Observe and accept any thoughts and feelings as they arise and return yourself back to the present moment experience of taking a shower. Parenting: Take a moment to pause when you are with your child and bring your full presence and attention to the moment-to-moment interactions you are having with them. Mindfulness has the ability to increase our parenting skills, which in turn positively impacts our children and the relationship we have with them. Mindfulness is not a technique to learn but a way of living to adopt. All of us have the capacity to cultivate mindfulness and similar to muscles, each time we exercise our attention by bringing it back to the present moment, the muscles of mindfulness grow. At the Center for Psychological Growth and Wellness, there are a host of practitioners who have been professionally trained in mindfulness-based exercises and are ready to support you with leading a more mindful lifestyle. Located in the heart of Plantation, Florida and servicing Broward County and Florida communities including Davie, Sunrise, Cooper City, Weston, and Fort Lauderdale.
March 3, 2022
Collaborative divorce provides a more cooperative alternative to traditionally litigated divorces and places the solutions and agreements in the hands of the involved parties. Unlike the pro se divorce, where each party represents themselves, in the collaborative divorce each party has their own attorney and both attorneys are committed to facilitating a working agreement. This provides partners the comfort of knowing their legal interests are represented while also feeling secure that the ultimate decisions belong to the family not the court. Unlike mediation, the collaborative professionals are committed to a collaborative result and are forbidden from participating in court proceedings in the event the collaborative process is terminated or unsuccessful. However, like mediation, the collaborative process facilitates empowerment of the family members, unique solutions, and is a less expensive route to divorce than litigation. The ideal resolution supports a caring, loving, and supportive relationship between children and their parents. While it is typical that no party gets everything they want, in a collaborative divorce, all parties can leave confident they will only sign an agreement they find acceptable. The collaborative process focuses on identifying common grounds and clarifying values to ensure decisions are made with your long-term goals in mind. Collaborative divorce requires that all parties participate in an honest, good faith manner with the ultimate wellbeing of all members of the family in mind. The collaborative process often involves the use of a collaborative divorce Coach or Facilitator. As a mental health professional, trained in mediation, Lisa Saponaro, Ph.D. participates in the collaborative process as a Divorce Coach. The Divorce Facilitator is skilled at recognizing anxiety, depression, and other emotional factors that often get in the way of resolutions. Additionally, the coach is trained in communication strategies and mediation to support the collaborative process. In the role of Divorce Coach, Dr. Saponaro serves to clarify and identify the parties’ interests and goals, reduce misunderstandings, help develop viable co-parenting plans, and facilitate the family’s transition through the process. Collaborative Divorce may be particularly advantageous to families with children as results are less likely to be relitigated in the future. It is associated with overall lower levels of conflict between the parents, which we know is most beneficial for the kids. Collaborative Divorce is a process designed with the best interests of the children and helps ensure their needs are kept in mind. In addition to the role of divorce coach, mental health professionals often serve in the role of Child Specialist in the collaborative process. The Child Specialist, who is a neutral mental health professional, is trained in child development and family systems as it specifically pertains to divorce and adjustment. This professional may meet with the children separately to gain a better understanding of their needs and wishes to promote their voice and support them during the divorce. Dr. Lisa Saponaro is a licensed clinical psychologist who has been practicing in South Florida for the past 20 years. Throughout her career, Dr. Saponaro has consistently worked with children and families. In her private practice, the Center for Psychological Growth and Wellness, located in Plantation, Florida, she offers diagnostics and assessment services for children and adults. Dr. Saponaro is experienced in treatment of Anxiety, Depression, Autism, PTSD, grief, addictions, and a variety of mood and behavioral problems. Dr. Saponaro has been recognized by the Broward County Courts as an expert in child matters as it pertains to divorce and has worked with other divorce professionals, such as attorneys, parenting coordinators, reunification specialists, Guardian Ad Litems, financial professionals, and others to help ensure families have well rounded care and children’s needs are paramount. After decades of working with families from a collaborative approach, Dr. Saponaro has joined the International Association of Collaborative Professionals and the South Florida Collaborative Professionals and is now practicing as a Collaboratively Trained Divorce Professional in the role of Divorce Coach and Child Specialist. Call 954-577-0095 or email Drsaponaro@gmail.com for more information on how to set up a consultation today.
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